Coward behind a keyboard.

 We're encased in these shells that keep us from expressing our true selves for fear of the outcome...that fear is taught and inflicted upon us from the moment we enter the world. I vainly thought that I could teach him how to break those bonds and discovered in the process how chained I am in my own fear. How I deliberate and plot and seek to know the outcomes of my actions beforehand and if I can't I just don't act...I let those opportunities go...and I hide....I have done all of these things, but who in their right mind hasn't? What is the right mind? The point is to everything there is a season. To achieve individuation is to have the ability to respond as one's whole and true self in the moments that we are called to do so...to respond in time to the times.

  There's so much I don't say. I write because my thoughts sound stupid coming out of my mouth. There were perfect moments for me to share things that I didn't...I don't know how to speak from the heart. That's why I write... because my heart is true and wants to be heard...but I am a weak and impure and slothful vessel...and he the unready and unwilling recepticle. He has truly tested me.  I was broken by my failure to live the way I know I should because I allowed fear to silence the truth in my heart. Experience taught me to hold it back...so much so that I'd forgotten how to share when the time came. I share things here... like a coward behind a keyboard... in the hope that others may learn from my mistake and live fully in those moments as they come.
 And the hope that I've learned to as well...
....to speak when it's time and to remain silent when it's sacred.